I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
