I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
