No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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