if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize