i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
