do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
