Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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