I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
