Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
