he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
