If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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