Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
