do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
