I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
