Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
