apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
