how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
