If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize