but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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