dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
from now on my penis is your penis
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
