my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
home. puking in laundry basket.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
