his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
