i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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