i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
