She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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