I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
