Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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