After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
