You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
