I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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