I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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