you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
