using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
