Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize