is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
well most of my day revolves around power hour
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
