I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
