dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
3pm strippers are depressing
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
