O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
