Buhtt sex?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
