Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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