Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
