Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
