just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
