It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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