Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
17 year olds will be the death of me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
