I think my fart just growled at me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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