My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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