Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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