I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
