You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
