The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
