Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I currently don't understand fingers.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
