I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
