You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
