Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
