He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
