I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
