Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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