I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
