I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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