I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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