Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
too bad you live with your parents still
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
