So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Houston, we have a blender
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Randomize
