tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
