yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
