Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
