and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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